A Fine Frenzy

Erase her despair, you've always been there, you're shorter of hair, you're shorter on hair, la mer des mêres your Venus declare or you're off to the chair, all the spoils of a wasted life through all of my wasted years, through all of my wasted tears off the tourniquet, she still has all her hair but your bones crack in her little teeth, won't you be her leather, Pat's still perky but the old game is not up, Herbert, revert, don't lose sight of the dog that's inside you better yet don't lose consciousness with your back to the bitch, the oldest game is never over, the oldest profession has no borders, will you take your place in the great below her navel gazing, did they warn you of hazing, did they warn you of negging did they warn you of hazel eyes always seeking above is her sun your sun is hersun your sun ishersunyoursun, oh repair, she's always been there she comes, walking down the street race you to the finish line it's in a courthouse guns to your head when you've got nothing left to give sever flesh and bone and offer it to Herbert learned his lesson eventually but did you despair of the aristocratic life commitment it did she have a headache and where did she sleep last night, in the pi nes and you did you sleep in the lake of fire where the tied up, used up and dead to the world end up the hill to fetch a peel it back and doesn't it make you feel better to regiment your bhisti, christie lists her wants to loam your seedy needs, down girl down, down girl down you send him in it, she was up above it all, but when you live with ape men it's hard to be clean track it from the beginning, with beer and bread and a road well traveled the priestess cured wild meat into a hero, always who pay - two or three months does it mutter how much as if every month after, und du hast night gesicko, perverted luste, sons of goddesses ach schweine, sate this liebste meine hands and knees we crawl you cannot stop us all of this for youuuu-hooochie that frail braining you with her heart as big as a whale at the casino she know how to kick the gong around so git to the track and make them dullards fast but it'll never be enough, never be enough, never be enough to fill your head the dormouse said right before the cat meowed and out he cowed, the oxy, oxy ollenfree, all the men she tells youuu-hooo will never be, still gardening her bed of krater-era icons, the blood of your foes burns you at her jealous will you won't you realize she had you made from the start, made man high-grade man, rock superstar, five cars you're in charge of the honeys at the palladium is an imaginary currency at which girlies was laughin 'cause how's that gonna help you get a friend from whose ride to holla, when you gettin' clean of the heroine, where the parents comin' at you with supersonic speeds for the grand kids with guns gonna get it where I can't look at the world the way you look at the world is not enough but it's a start my love you 'til the day that hie die ist die erste stern von alle sad pictures of girls getting bitter sisters you used to have but don't any more than she can give her body it would be impolitic to bring up the soul cages in the fishwoman's yard full of brass watch, a cheque, maybe three weeks to live your fear of biological imperatives, it's relative, it's all in the family, they're hiding inside of me, sie will es und so ist es brauch, was sie will bekommt sie you gonna do right like some other man do it young and stupid the way she likes it's always there, oh despair of seeing her dancing pretty with tears in her eyes blackbird singing in the dead of night for her slice of your pie, deny your goddess three times into the seven day binge, that to surrender magnificently to passion accurst, but Fiduciary Annie's just a girl to me, kinda down, kinda feelin' some feelings you wouldn't believe the good old spells on you, 'cause you're hers if you love her, hers if you hasst her dead disco, dead funk, dead rock and roll was a euphemism for the dead love couldn't go no further her goals, hells' bells knocks me on my knees, rolls with platinum wheels, that don't impress her much ado about the shrew, but the mouse is called immodest if he redirects your female gaze from the glass ceiling where mandy went to med school to the glass floor where every scrub takes three steps toward the door mister, it ain't right babe, no, it ain't right, no, no, to feel so lucky while gettin's good times are killing me was this for real, just an illusion, a toxic pillory to make her numb to your place in the dirt, a toxic pillory to make you dumb to her funny little face, 'cause there's a knife for every day that I've known you, just remember, when you think you're free, you'll never be free, you'll never be free, you'll be the revenging mariner hoping that you'd die holding hands, have you started to turn into somebody else, that always happens to somebody else, you'll always know who you are, from the other side of the sixteen military wives reclaiming your small estate, disorder, disorder the toxicity of your city in the deep dank tarn where your hideous heart keeps beating, straining against Annie's grip for more, more than the chore, more than the bore, more than before, more than a mandate to adore, more than a man dares to restore, the crisped and sere hopes of lone moan before Weir was haunted by ghoulfriends, when they called him unforgiven unto unprofitable intrigues soaring above the beldam's curtain poles where Brunhild gets ever more impatient in her ring of monetized desire, where it's curtains for Marsyas preaching to the choir, down in the park where Paris and Ravana and Nessus and Koschei offer the spoils of a wasted life, allzumenschliche for yoouuuu-hoo've always been their, you've always been their, you've always been their despair.

Oh, despair, she'll always be there.

 

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I've been doing fewer of these stream-of-consciousness rambles the past couple of years, for... multiple reasons. One being that song lyrics and other quotes have increasingly hijacked said streams. This time though, it even started with a song, getting back in my car exhausted and drenched with a sudden rainstorm after a walk through the woods but somehow still sweating and struggling for breath, and the stereo piped up with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Despair. The singer's got the type of voice that really hits me (cf. Garbage, Metric, In This Moment, etc.) and so from the first lyrics my miserable drowned rat physical state was wrenched into her meaning, her intonation. And all I could think driving home was how fucking unfair this was, even as I worshipped every lilt and sigh and set it on repeat. I won't even bother trying right now to list every source I ripped off above. Some references even I can't remember after the fact, and this is about 90% random rip-offs by volume. Herbert is an initial and the mother of mothers references both NIN and my favorite comic book. The first few phrases were mentally composed on my way home, most of the rest sitting in a hot bath until my old tablet's text editor crashed on me and erased what I hadn't saved. So it goes. That was three months ago. I finally rediscovered it during another bath and picked up the Poe quote where I'd left off. So it also goes. But the last line was fixed as soon as I got in my car back then. And it still goes.