Hephaistos Is Totally Lame

"To get my fair share of abuse"

Rolling Stones - You Can't Always Get What You Want

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"If I was twice the man I could be

I'd still be half of what you need"

NIN - Ringfinger

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"I wasn't thinkin' all I heard was the ridicule
Girlies was laughin"

2Pac - Trapped

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Bill Maher ran another rant bashing men recently, as he's been doing with some regularity over the past years. This time he's teaching men "game" in dating, which of course amounts to "everything about you is wrong you filthy pig" and the animal kingdom's eternal expectation that males must do everything to prove themselves while females sit in judgment. Ironically, Maher's spiel ends up reiterating many of the societal expectations demonstrating why no man should be giving a woman the time of day: expecting that the man should pay the woman for the privilege of her merest attention, change everything about himself to suit her, assume all risk, accept all blame, hate his looks, hate his property, hate his hobbies, hate himself, devote his every waking moment to her, all while absorbing a never-ending tirade of abuse further degrading him to inculcate ever more slavishness toward his glorious goddess.

Now, I haven't looked through dating sites recently, but back in the day I wasn't particularly thrilled at seeing within one or two sentences a third of women proclaimed their religion, another third their zodiac sign, the last third their feminism. Ignoring the first two breeds of insanity, you could sure say it doesn't show much "game" on a woman's part to proclaim her adherence to a political lobby condemning me for all the world's ills. Not much of a come-hither. More like warning coloration. ProTip ladiez: maybe postpone the "castrate and leash you" rhetoric for second course conversation. Yeah I think HBO could easily fill up a few New Rule segments teaching women "game" like:

"nobody's impressed with your d-cups if they come with de gut"

"asking how much he makes a year doesn't substitute for a hello"

"his apartment is not yours to redecorate"

"the going rate for a blowjob is not two months' salary"

"you can either cuddle after sex or file a rape lawsuit, but pick one"

"Make up your mind. Just, y'know... in general."

"tsundere's less cute outside anime"

"ignoring him is not enticement to ask you out" or better yet

"since we're supposed to be equal you can damn well do the legwork and assume the risk of rejection yourself"

On a completely unrelated topic, your news feed's probably been treating you to a gradual trickle of daily death tolls in the past week's Bangladeshi civil service riots: twenty people killed one day, thirty people another, a hundred and fifty people killed altogether. Which weasel-word "people" probably translates into a hundred and forty-nine men murdered in the interest of their families' welfare plus one chick who took a wrong turn on her way to the grocery store. I guess you can try finding a wounded woman amidst the numerous images of bloodied men being dragged out of the fighting by other men, but every country's cops know damn well being caught on camera beating one woman to death (like they beat countless men to death in every other news segment) risks berserking the entire country against them, much as happened in Egypt a few years back. I previously mentioned this insistent verbal tick of obfuscating men's sacrifice in an all-purpose "people" in light of journalistic rhetoric on the Iranian protests last year. Nobody wondered why exactly in a conflict universally presented in our media as women standing up to male oppression, 93% of casualties on the women's side were men.

 

In what other demographic context can we even conceive such willful ignorance? If Palestine raided Israel and somehow wound up murdering 93% Palestinians, you would wonder! If the next L.A. race riots consist of black street gangs shooting a hundred african-americans plus Austin Reaves, you can expect at least a few journalists to question the usage of race in that context. If a report on the Yakuza presented them as a Hawaiian smuggling ring with a minor connection to Japan, you might question the journalist's bias or sanity or both.

"People" die. And when "people" butcher each other whether in war, in riots, in street shootouts, other "people" on both sides wait to see which of them will receive a bloodied survivor's offering of plunder at her feet. This is normal, unquestioned and unquestionable. That's what "people" are for.

So yes, of course women don't need "game" never have and never will. Nothing gets a round of audience applause quite like shitting on one man or all men as not "manning up" readily enough to play the role as protector/provider for women. It played great when Moe was telling Homer Simpson "we [men]'re all pigs" and it played great when Ralph Kramden failed at life and it plays great on Real Time. That bit always gets a laugh; it always gets votes. Tiny cock, too proud of his big cock, balding head, poofy hair, cheap clothes, not enough muscle, not enough car, not enough muscle-car, can't please her in bed, can't please her parents, too fat, too skinny, too old, too young, too sweaty, too short, too hairy, not hairy enough, not dependable enough, not adventurous enough, doesn't last long enough in bed, spends too much time in bed, coward, reckless, doesn't work out, works out too much, not enough "game", too much of a "playa", wants too much sex from his wife, lost interest in his wife, neckbeard, babyface, four-eyes, geek, jock, humorless, clown, farts, belches, spends too much time at the office, doesn't work hard enough for a promotion, can't lift, can't run, no stock portfolio, no art portfolio, too shady, too straight-laced, too angry, too conciliatory, spendthrift, miser, fat ass, scrawny ass, no chin, big chin, and did we mention tiny cock haw-haw!

 

Oh sure, female versions exist. They crop up once a decade. "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" had a few good years' run. "Karens" got a solid raggin' this past decade (more than their counterpart "Chads") including as high-maintenance dates. Bolt-on tits got a laugh around the 2000s. But there is no invective hurled against men which will not receive thunderous, hooting applause in any comedy routine, across networks, across decades, across generations in either hemisphere... so long as you couch it as being judged unworthy in female eyes. Not for one flaw like sagging tits or a fat ass, but for any flaw so long as you argue it makes him unfuckable. There is no man in the world, no matter how accomplished, that a jester in our town square can't smear as Quasimodo by implying he can't get laid. If Jesus Christ showed up tomorrow with the recipe for cold fusion, all it would take is a mocking chorus of "lulz virgin" to make him the sorriest toerag on the planet.

Which brings us to the last point. It's actually old news that men evaluate 50% of women below average and 50% above (which is sort of how averages work) while women insanely perceive 80% of men as below average. And that's just based on physical attractiveness. Maher opens his latest diatribe with "Did you know that in the U.S. 63% of men aged 18-29 are single? But just 34% of women. I'm not sure how that works unless there are a lot more lesbians than I thought." Actually, Bill, not to state the obvious but how it works is that the women are all fucking the same rock star or chief financial officer. And the women are fine with that so long as he constantly vies to demonstrate his superiority over other men by firing them, buying and selling them, sending them off to war, outdoing them in lavish gifts to his ladies loves, rap dueling other men or demeaning them in stand-up monologues on cable channels. To the primitive monkey-girl inside every woman's mind there exists only one man. He's that prince movie star astronaut rock star bodybuilder trillionnaire bodhisattva warlord famous painter CEO chin model archangel with a private jet and he spends every single moment complimenting her, smiting lesser men, bringing her prezzies, remodeling the bathroom and apologizing for not being good enough, all at once.

The rest of men exist solely for CFO Prince Charming to make redundant to prove his worth. To be male is to be born a disposable statistic, cannon fodder, a 93% margin of error in women's interests.

 

And that of course is why any talk of teaching men "game" is bunk, whether coming from a comedian or a pick-up artist or poets or advice columnists. It will never be enough. You will never be good enough for her. She doesn't care about your quality. Even if she does condescendingly permit you into her pants, it's only to spend every day afterwards torturing you for failing to be a product of her fairy tales.