Are A Gonner Universalis

After my establishment and subsequent loss of Nova Scotia last campaign, preceded by Uzbek and Teuton playthroughs, I wasn't quite sure what to play next. Maybe another European nation before tackling the Indian Ocean, but I'm not too enchanted with the way New World colonies are handled in EU4 (automatically breaking away from your direct control as permanent vassals) so maybe something in the North? Maybe something in the East? Maybe some- wait, it turns out I already chose Aragon some months ago and forgot about it, so I guess we're playing Aragon.

 

Likely true of 15th-century Aragon historically, I appear a naval power. Mallorca, Malta, Sardinia, Sicily, not to mention my most obvious route for early expansion lies along the North-African coast, plus my hardcoded pahtnah Naples is only reachable by love boat.

The biggest problem of course is starting at a disadvantage next to the two worst superpowers, France and Castile, so I decided to pursue an anti-French strategy. Allied Savoy, Burgundy and Castile in addition to my junior partner Naples to start.

- 1447 lose Naples in a scripted event, inherit a personal union with Navarre by royal marriage

- 1456 Castille calls me in against Morocco and Tunis as part of its Granada campaign. Oh no, not the briar patch! And, shockingly, Castille actually awards me three provinces around Kabylia in the peace treaty, giving me a North-African foothold.

- 1460 Iberian Wedding event makes Castille junior partner

- 1467 still putting down revolts, lose my Burgundian alliance for refusing to defend them against France - turns out it would have been a pointless fight anyway, as after the war France immediately takes over all of Burgundy in a dynastic event

- 1473 Ally England as traditional ally against France

- 1488 England calls me in to defend against France. Not much chance of success. Predictably, England sits back and does absolutely nothing while France over-runs the Iberia Peninsula. At least I have Castilla watching my back. Almost bankrupting myself with 25 loans buys me enough mercenaries to eke out a truce.

- 1499 Integrate Navarre. Despite being 22 loans in debt, I declare war on Tunisia again and annex it. Need... tax... infidels...

- 1501 Ally with His Popeness, maybe the threat of excommunication will keep the Gauls off my back.

- 1505-1515 Lose Savoy Alliance to a forced annulment from France. Try to ally Florence as a future vassal, but it's conquered by France first. Try to ally Bologna as a future vassal but it's vassalized by France first. Try to ally Corsica... and I finally get one.

- 1528 France attacks the Papal State and again I'm in no position to help. I finally pay off my loans. Corsica annexed. Now to wait for corruption (from currency debasement) to decrease.

- 1552 France attacks again, before I can catch up in tech. England just wanders along the French shoreline constantly pulling its armies back before taking even a single province. Game over.

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Attempt 2

Try allying France and Castile this time around. Refuse Naples' independence dynastic event, and by some amazing stroke of luck no-one supports its independence. Same with Castilla. So the game now shifts to holding out long enough to integrate my vassals.

1461 Invade Tunis, take northern coast.

1464 France invades Provence. This is the first war it's started, in contrast to its immediate expansion last game.

1490 Genoa conquered by Milan leaving Corsica free to be Vassalized by me, even if it puts me at a diplomatic power penalty. Morocco and Tlemcen ally Ottomans, making them untouchable for the time being.

1492 Begin integrating Napoli, with a fortuitous Nobility Diet quest negating the diplomatic penalty for doing so. Ally Saluzzo and Padua with an eye toward vassalization and annexation. My Diplomatic power income becomes 0 for a couple years.

1495 Integrate Navarre. France Invades Burgundy. England's French provinces still untouched.

1501 Vassalize Aquileia. Grant privileges to the Nobility and Clergy to offset my lengthy and costly subject integrations.

1513 Finish integrating Naples, annex Corsica and Padua, Ally Mantua. Begin the painstaking process of integrating Castille

1529 Ally Ragusa when it breaks away from Hungary. Invade Jolof without casus belli just to get a head start on African expansion.

1544 Expanded farther into Africa via Fulo and Kaabu.

1556 Tlemcen lost its Ottoman defense, so invade it and Morocco.

1569 After 56 years(!) Castile is finally integrated. Ragusa and Aquileia annexed. Mantua Vassalized. Trent allied. Spain formed.

1582 Mop up the remnants of Kaabu

1584 Annex Mantua and Trent, vassalize Savoy which has been pared down to a couple of provinces, though like Saluzzo, I can't annex it for lack of adjacency.

1589 Ally His Popeness and lay a claim on Tuscany in preparation for baiting its ally Milan into a war sometime in the future. However, I am three techs behind, so I wait for the moment and build up my economy. My expansion into western Africa has apparently caused a defensive block to form between Songhai, Hausa and Yao, so no advancing in that direction yet. All in all, the map of Western Europe has remained rather static for the first century and a half.

1594

1601 War against Yatenga to bait its guarantor Hausa out of its other alliances.

1616 France loses its great power status.

1625 Invade Tuscany with Fronse and His Popeness. Milan and others defend. Manage to take Genoa's old provinces plus Pisa, but get coalitioned (but not attacked) by Hungary, Austria and a gaggle of German principalities for my trouble. Rush to ally Bavaria, Magdeburg, Strasburg and Three Leagues in defense. If this breaks out into war it'll wreck the Holy Roman Empire. (Thankfully I had invested some "improve relations" diplomat time just in case something like this happens.

Situation... stable.

1632 At long last I have the adjacency to annex Savoy and Saluzzo.

1649 Bohemia declares independence from Hungary (which controls all of Eastern Europe) with France's support. The coalition against me falls apart, leaving me free to... steer clear of Italy for a while, just in case, and push on into Africa's darkest. The remnants of Hausa give me a back-door war declaration against Songhai.

1653 Britain (along with Austria, Morocco and pretty much all of North America) takes advantage of the recent wars to declare war on France. Unable to abandon my most valuable alliance, I reluctantly accept. Cue loans and mercenaries, being at 0 manpower. On Land, Morocco and I focus each other. At sea though, the indomitable Spanish armada make out like... some kind of sea bandits?

- capturing 40+ vessels. Who rules the waves now, putas? After five years of World War -1, in 1658 I get exactly one province out the whole mess.

1662 The PayPal State (no joke, they're loaded) wants to invade Milan... which is Allied with Hungary and Russia. I'm still paying off debts from the last war and haven't rebuilt my military, so, umm, no. I need to spend some quality time with the fam. They force Milan to free another province from old Savoy, Torino... which it so happens I have a claim on. I also happen to have an army right next door. Thanks? You can have this shroud back though, it's dirty.

1675 Bavaria pulls me back into Italian politics faster than I had wanted with an invasion against The Palatinate and its ally Milan. Luckily, since my Aragonese missions auto-core the Mediterranean coast, the computer conquers provinces in my name. Too bad I can only grab a couple or risk another coalition.

1688 Invade Tuscany with all my allies except France, hoping they'll do most of my fighting for me since I'm behind in military tech. It works gloriously. Grab Parma, force them to release Ferrara for my vassalization pleasure. Grab Tuscany's last two provinces. Whaddaya know Jerry, there really a-was-a house in Toscana! Except Three Leagues, my own ally, sacks my capital after liberating it from a siege. I mean, okay, predictable enough behavior for the 1600s, but still, dude, not cool! I'm gonna make the pope proclaim a bull of not cool!

1690s I want to continue my African expansion, but Magdeburg and then Bavaria keep pulling me into Holy Roman Shit. I don't dare give up their alliances though, as France keeps losing ground to Britain. Zilch on territory gains.

1700 Enlightenment appears... in Hanseong, Korea. Okaaayyy... and here I'd been putting up universities in a hurry to rush it for once.

1708 Finally annex Ferrara during a lull in the wars.

1716 France revolts and breaks all its alliances. After all that?!? Swap in Utrecht as my new ally. Buy Enlightenment, tech up to 25 and invade Songhai. Yes, I'm aware of the enlightened irony, but it's now or never. Given I'd forgotten to upgrade my forts (and they hadn't) it turns into a nasty war of attrition lasting until '23.

Mean 250k-strong peasant rebellions after the war too. Yes, multiple ones.

1729 Magdeburg (now Saxony) and Bavaria keep dragging me into wars for their own expansion when what I'd like to do is rebuild my military for a strike on a now weakened France fighting off counter-revolutionary attacks. At least I'm rich enough to keep some mercenaries on my payroll permanently. By the time I finish a time-consuming invasion of Bohemia (ruining my relation with them) just so Saxony can annex one stinkin' province, my window for moving on France has closed. And all because of Freakin' Pomerania once again, I swear, what is your major malfunction, Rostock?

1739 Britain hits France again, creating... maybe... an opportunity? Three Leagues joins the revolution and breaks alliance... but not before pulling me into a war against Switzerland causing Hungary to jump in as well, so once again I can't afford to capitalize on France's troubles.

Grab Utrecht as replacement ally. And then Strasbourg calls me into another war against Baden. Saxony breaks its alliance to also join the Three Leagues war against me. Freakin' Pomerania! Ally Bohemia. Utrecht breaks its alliance as well to join in this piddling little war that has almost cost me the game by this point, because by 1743 anti-war revolts are already starting to break out. I pay 6800+ ducats just to get out of the damn quagmire. Re-ally Utrecht and (against my better judgment) Freakin' Pomerania.

1750 Bohemia breaks its alliance to stick by France, after I'd tried buttering them up to break up the bloc. Fine, be that way. Still giving me no chance to move against France, the Turks invade me. (And I was aready fighting Otto-mans up North!) I let my allies handle the Eastern front (about time they made themselves useful) and focus on knocking Morocco and Hausa out early, before going head-on against a solid million janissaries. Again the Spanish armada triumphs, capturing 57 ships in a single battle. And a big thank you to all the West-Africans rebelling against me only to whittle down Ottoman armies instead. Herzegovina changes hands about six? seven? times over five years (man, they just cannot catch a break over there) and by '55 I settle for grabbing the Barbary Coast from Morocco then just some cash to wrap things up before allies bail and attrition and rebellions lose this for me. Phew. Close one.

1757 Strasbourg gets vassalized by Hungary when I'm not looking. Ally Austria as replacement. Saxony and Bavaria spend the next few years mopping up revolutionary statelets in the HRE. Now if only someone would distract Fronse long enough for me to snag that southern border... in '59 the Brits decide to do just that, let's see how it goes.

1761 Finish Offensive Ideas for that +5 discipline bonus, grab the Horse Artillery policy (+10% artillery power) proclaim my golden age for a morale bonus, take a deep breath and (even though I'm below half my manpower reserves) invade France. Crush the revolution! Scatter the peasant scum! (capture a bit of real estate while we're at it) for our rightful ancestral rightness of rights!

They can't possibly beat all this... can they?

Complicating matters, my ally Utrecht ends up on the other side of the conflict through a different war, and the bellicose gauls tech up to military level 28 two years before I can. Luckily they spend their initial efforts on the Brits as planned and I manage to hold the southern half of their territory, and the Bavarians hold off their Bohemian allies.

Paris falls in March '63, by '64 Bavaria already throws in the towel, so I cut things off at a 48-point peace offer. (Ooopsie, guess I forgot to crush the revolution. That might still kill me if the Brits don't pick up the slack.)

1779 I'd love to keep expanding into Africa, but with its alliance busy against Russia the past couple of years, I doubt I'll get a better chance at France before the game ends. This time I trounce 'em. Aaand it might get me coalitioned, but what the hey, let's capture gay gris Paris. Weirdly, that somehow still does not crush the revolution.

1785 Yet another invasion of the bicentennial Songhai/Morocco/Yao alliance. Gimme. Annex the first, nibble a bit from the others. Most African nations now coalition against me (but don't attack) and y'know, I kinda can't blame 'em. Ten years later, that coalition against me is... still growing? With the Ottomans and France?

1809 Coalition finally disbands.

1811 My golden age expires. For a last hurrah, invade Milan. Hungary and Frronse defend, Bavaria, Austria, Utrecht and His Popeness help me. (The Saxons are conveniently busy fighting the Turks. Freakin' Pomerania. I. Swear!) Knock France out by '15, Hungary by '17, wait until 1820/01/01 to annex Milan due to the inevitable coalition that will this time certainly declare war against me.

Caribbean inherited from Castilla. Not pictured: Greenland.

Conclusions?

1) Unlike my other playthroughs, this campaign had two distinct phases. Until the early-mid 1500s I sank massive amounts of diplomatic power into peaceful annexation, aided by Aragon's quite generous scripted events. With that firm economic base you can move on to forceful expansion afterward.

2) Weirdly, allying France put the brakes on its expansion far more surely than opposing it. It declared war less often, never incorporated its British holdings and fought to a draw with the HRE while rarely calling me in - for fear I'd take half its victims' lunch money or what?

3) Even weirder is how safe Portugal has been in every single playthrough so far. The only one positioned to snatch it up at first is Castile, which has a more immediate problem with Morocco. And that's only if its English alliance gets weakened somehow. After it inevitably balloons into a colonial empire, Portugal's just more trouble than it's worth for its moderate province yield.

4) A Spanish run is Hardcore Catholic. I'd never gotten into it before, but Papal Influence kinda rocks. Sure, the bonuses aren't huge for their lengthy accrual, but they cover areas otherwise hard to address, especially during the early game, like inflation or construction cost. The stability recovery alone saved me well over a thousand administrative power. And the south gives you oh-so-many Muslim provinces to convert for Popery Points.

5) Opposite of Prussia's very high army professionalism, I depended heavily on mercenaries, and thus repeatedly shrugged off initial military losses, winning mostly by attrition. I only noticed when the Economic Hegemon title became available that it includes merc bonuses, so this appears very much by design. Naval power plays into this as well, but I'll address that as an intro to my next post.

6) The Revolution mechanic's weird. I'd assumed capturing the epicenter of the movement (Paris) would allow me to... y'know, DO SOMETHING about it, domestically, but instead it just sits there at 100% completion spawning endless revolts. So the only option to take it down is to declare war with that singular purpose while the center remains foreign. Not the most elegant or nuanced way of handling such a world-changing event. Granted, Revolutionary France really did get dogpiled in real life, but still...

7) Too much of EU4 revolves around gaming the alliance system for ridiculous back-door war declarations denying your enemies their more lucrative allies, especially as your victims' remaining friends rarely take advantage of existing wars, and the coalition system can itself be gamed, if anything, more easily by big empires attacking different geographic regions than by medium-sized nations which must expand in a single region. See my alternating Europe/Africa expansion, and I'm not even good at it. My main gripe remains; the game's designed to favor the big dogs for high score dick-measuring.

8) Computer opponents' insane military strategy prevents Europa Universalis from really standing against other competitors purely as a war game. (Though it more than compensates in other aspects.) Most strikingly, the AI is obsessed with hitting your farthest provinces. It will entirely forego defense for that purpose. While, yes, hitting your soft spot can weaken your economic backing for the war and force you to split your forces, it more often splits the enemy forces even worse, as it usually means longer travel time for them when you can take the shortcut.

Prime example:

Taking the Ragusa and Herzegovina provinces in 1529 made them my best military asset by far, pound for pound, as in every single war the AI prioritized and over-invested in conquering them as a weak spot I'd be unable to protect. Yeah. And also unwilling, uncaring and uninterested to protect. Hungary, the Ottomans, Milan, Bohemia, all of them spent years and armies trudging around the Adriatric while I focused far more important objectives and established a solid, contiguous front line. Moreover, since my allies shared the same obsession, it resulted in a hilarious back-and-forth as the fortress got taken, re-taken, un-taken, tooken, tokened and Tookished half a dozen times during a couple of the lengthier engagements.

But hey, I guess we can call that an apt illustration of the region's history.