Saturday, December 3, 2011

On the subject of laziness

I'm not lazy, i'm a coward. It's been two weeks since i made my first post. I had intended to follow it up immediately with a bit of rambling on the subject of online identities and avatars. I had ideas, you see. I also have a distinct impression that i'm not good enough. I'm not sure what i should be good enough for, given the half-hearted, risk-free, freeform and self-serving nature of this venture into the world of soapboxing, but i'm quite terrified that i'll be a disappointment to every me involved.
It was not, however, a sign of laziness. I am ridiculously invested in most anything i do. I've seen laziness. It amounts to expecting things to come to you. Cowards like me, however, would be quite willing to work themselves to death for a noble cause... if there were no risk of failure. Our social animal nature makes us eager to please. We do everything that is socially advantageous and shy away from embarrassment, shame and ridicule. We fear failure.

It is a bit surprising to remember one event that seems to link me, through this fear, to the human condition. A professor in some college-level basic literacy course assigned his students the task of describing one of their faults. He was disappointed to find that most of them said something to the effect of 'i'm a lazy bum'. I don't think they were being honest. They were saving face, in a self-deprecating way which still allowed them to complete their assignment. Instead of admitting a true weakness or failure, it was more socially convenient to admit to not trying.
So, isn't that extra effort of covering up their faults with faux-laziness... heh, i do like a bit of irony.

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