"What they want I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go"
The Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop
I'd been toying with the notion of a companion run-down for Baldur's Gate 3 like I'd done for Wrath of the Righteous, but now that I'm polishing off Act 1, I doubt I'll bother. For BG3's roster, it's less their individual qualities which warrant comment than Larian's design priority across the board, focusing intently on a teen audience via a mix of random monster-slaying and the hefty dose of sex always associated with pulp sword-and-sorcery stories. But hey, it worked for The Witcher, right? Who needs coherent construction when you've got tits?
(They're piling in the back seat / They're generating Steam hits)
You might notice something glancing around camp: no uggoes. No dwarves, half-orcs, gnomes or a single wrinkle in sight. Only young, flawless, sexy humanoids allowed. And if their actions and rationalizations in the main plot seem at times forced or flimsy, it's because the effort instead sank into building each one from the ground up as romance options instead of adventurers. (Lovers? Like Illithids and megalomaniacal cults weren't bad enough, how many more damn controllers do you need staking claim to your mind?) My complaint on this topic remains valid: it's bad art, and it's resulted in a roster of swashbucklers more interested in pouting and strutting than tackling existential threats.
But for an even funnier angle on the same marketing philosophy, I can't help but note that EVERY SINGLE ONE of your core companions is presented engaged in some sort of individuation conflict against a designated authority figure:
- Lae'Zel: dragon cowboy daddy can't tell ME what to do
- Shadowheart: mother superior can't tell ME what to do
- Gale: mana banker mommy can't tell ME what to do
- Wyll: devil sugar mommy can't tell ME what to do
- Astarion: vampire daddy can't tell ME what to do
- Karlach: mother inferior can't tell ME what to do
Don't get me wrong, I do acknowledge the importance of adolescent rebellion as personal growth, but there is such a thing as laying it on too thick! Devote at least some script space to portraying oppressive control that doesn't come conveniently embodied in one preordained social superior. Freedom must be more often than not won from nebulous, dilute folkways and mores, and is as much a freedom from our own impulses, fantasies and weaknesses as anything else. If you'd like a wonderful in-game portrayal, try Durance from Pillars of Eternity 1, or the several memorable companions from Planescape: Torment trapped as much by their own self-torment, by their own psychological dependence, as by the machinations of another. Or Mask of the Betrayer's rebellions both cosmic and individual. Even Pathfinder: Kingmaker's ex-paladin and former slaves managed more nuanced approaches.
Maybe BG3's crew will gain such depth along the campaign, but I very much doubt it. Larian saw too tempting a power vacuum on the RPG market (and too profitable a license) and invested too much to chance drifting away from shallow appeal.
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