Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Springtime for Werwolfe

Though I liked dabbling in Vampire: The Masquerade via its cRPG representation Bloodlines (and even Redemption for all its faults) I've always felt a very significant lack in being unable to play as V:tM's most intriguing clan. It makes me unhappy, unhappy, so very very very very very unhappy. For... you see, I have a secret desire hiding deep in my soul. It sets my heart afire to see me in this rooooooooole-
( -playing game)

I wanna be a Tzimisce
With a scoff to Masquerades
I wanna be a Tzimisce
Lunch on humies every way

I wanna be a Tzimisce
Sport a top rank under Caine
Cause the Camarilla pain
And torpor 'til half past two
Fleshcraft you, you, you - bone you.

I wanna be a Tzimisce
Wear some topsoil when I nap
I wanna be a Tzimisce
See my name vicissitudized
I wanna be a Tzimisce
Every pocket stuffed choice cuts
I wanna be a Tzimisce
On my crafted sentient couch

I wanna dine on the duchess with the duke
I wanna be a Tzimisce
Guzzle vitae 'til I puke
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna put on shows that will en-thrall 'em
Read my lips: Gehenna's comin'!


Don't look at me like that you philistines. My talent's wasted on you. Wasted!

Ghouls want him; Gangrels wanna be him

Look, I get it, given Bloodlines' basic plot and atmosphere (not to mention technological and budget limitations) no non-Masquerade playstyles could really have been implemented. Even less so in the even more linear Redemption with its whiny bloodsucker romance plot. Still, if I were to play another V:tM-themed computer game, it's the Tzimisce I'd want to try on for size. Two reasons:

1) Villains get the best lines. "The fiends from the Carpathians" in pursuit of their psychopathic obsessions seem like they'd offer the greatest amount of individualism in a game universe otherwise wrapped much too tightly around codependence and clan politics/intrigue for my Gangrel tastes. Unlike the Gangrel, however, the Tzimisce's basic mad scientist aesthetic appears to center more on creativity and intellect. Just my victims and me and my monsters make many. What more family does a Cainite need?

2) Vicissitude with its flesh and bone-crafting seems the most interesting of all the disciplines I've encountered so far as a vampiric dilettante. So much... potential. Aside from the Ed Gein inspired fleshy furniture (always fun) imagine combining Spore-like creature modeling with a modern top-notch physics engine allowing you to alter your creations' movements and abilities by re-sculpting them.

A Tzimisce-themed game would likely center not on the usual RPG questing progression, but on a Dungeon Keeper sort of base-building. Spend most of your time puttering around your suppurating sepulcher and defending it from incursions, with occasional forays into the city beyond for more victims and supplies. Imagine watching your lair slowly spread to gobble up some quaint little neighbourhood, house by house.

Come on, I'm pretty sure the technology's advanced enough now to make a game like this happen. Just need some intrepid developers willing to snub Mrs. Grundy and let us play the villain. If you've got it, flaunt it!

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