Animal Husbandry

"I always hear women say 'you know, married men live longer' - ah, yes, and, an indoor cat... also... lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit than can only look out on a world it will never enjoy, but it does technically live longer."

 

Bill Maher - Victory Begins at Home (2003)

"Married men live longer" ranks one of the rankest true lies that just won't die. Every couple of years the media rediscover this totally shocking "scientific" discovery and morning shows ring far and wide with men's insufficiency unto themselves. It fits our "man bad, woman good" preconceptions beautifully, declaring males to be both inherently defective and beholden to female benevolence in a single statement.

Correlation is not causation however, the most effective lies are half-truths, and a quick reference of our animal nature suggests the opposite interpretation. While sexual attraction is based on many factors, a basic and usually unspoken one for both sexes is physical health. We subconsciously evaluate everything from infection susceptibility to metabolic and anatomic fitness based on skin condition, bone structure, musculature, fat reserves, hair maintenance, scent, etc. Men do it too (and arguably more actively) though the standards for female ability are less stringent. As long as the chick looks like she won't keel over for a few years (i.e. she can carry a foetus to term and nurse it to foraging age) go ahead and stick it in, worry about the rest later. Women, however, benefit from their mate's long-term value as a protector and provider. If the wimpy, jittery guy doesn't look like he can down a wild boar, much less beat other men away from the carcass to bring you home the bacon, then screw him... or rather, don't.

For once, I won't even bother looking for references, because this should be our starting point for the discussion, both intuitive and logical. That sexual partners might become emotionally attached and care for each others' health, eh, fine, it's a valid argument; yet nonrandom mating, sexual selection, mate preference, call it whatever, it by several orders of magnitude an older, more pervasive and entrenched instinct. Married men don't live longer. Men with the potential to live longer, healthier men, are more attractive and more likely to be permitted to mate by women. Females are less likely to bet on a lame workhorse. They desire one they can bleed for as long as possible. You are as attractive as you are potentially useful.

 

Never mind that at an even more basic level, reproductive contest in the majority of species without paternal investment hinges on the male's health as guarantee of offspring viability.

And this is all before we even reach the quality of life issue. Domestic animals can indeed live longer than their free counterparts, as a resource to be husbanded.