Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Names of the Guilds

Though our expectations of multipayer games have careened abysmally over the past decades into our current WoW-induced stupor, it's nice to know some things haven't changed. Guild names, for instance, are as painfully trite and uncreative as ever. It varies from title to title, of course. In PvP twitch-games, you might run across the usual babbling swarms of leet-kiddies calling themselves "The Flaming Skulls of Dark Doom Blood" but not to be outdone, roleplayers have consistently refined their own brand of shallow sensationalism. Drah-mah rulz. Everybody and his mother is "the heir" of something or the guardians of the other thing and one or two words are never enough to express just how important we are. "Goblinslayers" just doesn't carry the same chest-puffing tenacity as "The Slayers of the Goblins" right?

Not that there's anything wrong with that... in moderation. I myself think "Imps of the Perverse" would make a great guild name, especially in a game with no protections against harming your own character. However, if you look around and every other guild is "of the" something, it might just be time for you to hit the backspace key and rethink your purplelicious prosing. I mean, it's worst in Lord of the Rings Online, for the reason of the obvious, but it's not like we weren't doing it a decade ago in earlier online games, before MMOs even went pop. Enough already. Just... just stop... hit that delete key. Come on, just... oh, hell, you people can't help yourselves, can you?

Okay, fine, tell you what: I'll give you some inspiration. If you're gonna do it, do it right. Go full hipster and play that postmodern post-ironic post-cerebral card. I look forward to seeing the following guild names in every game I play from now on:

People of the Category
Thing of the Stuff
The Lack of the Creativity
Subjects of the Object
The Position of the Pre
Bast of the Bom
The Us of the Pretence

P.S. - and before you ask, no, I am not on "the drugs." This is your brain on teh internets.

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