This one's about Pete Hegseth

"I know niggas is hard-headed but I ain't got the patience
Don't want me havin' no patience, turn into more patients
More trips to ICU 'cause I see you
Trying to get away with shit a real nigga wouldn't do"

 

DMX - Where Da Hood At

____________________________________________

"You'll never get rich

You sonovabitch

You're in the army now"

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Once upon a time, my family's adorable puppy killed a cat. Strays from the neighbourhood continually trespassed in her yard, no matter how many times she chased them off. She'd tree one occasionally and have to be locked indoors while my father coaxed/carried the furball back down. Then one cat was too slow climbing and she shook it like a terrier having caught a rat, snapping its spine.

 

The adorable puppy was in turn attacked by a neighbour's pit bull while walking down the block, out in the open street. One year it broke her tail. A couple years later, it tore open her flank, thankfully not hitting much but skin and subcutaneous fat so she eventually healed up alright after being stitched up twice. But she's still absolutely terrified of even walking along the other side of the street from the pit bull's yard, and has to be walked to the park by the back road.

 

See the difference there? The Adorable Puppy did murder a repeat offender invading her territory and ignoring all warnings. But she doesn't go after cats in general, making no fuss at the neighbours' pampered housepet since it has the sense to stay on its own side of the fence. In fact when our relatives visit with their own cat, the two animals have always studiously ignored each other like divas at a cocktail party, instinctively accepting some sort of transitive in-group membership via monkey clan. They obviously don't like being in the same house, but neither raises a hackle. T'would be impolitic.

 

The pit bull attacks everything that moves, anywhere it moves, going after a local child on another occasion, who thankfully escaped before it could reach him. And though you'd rightly assume those holding a dangerous animal should take extra care to keep it contained, the same psychosis leading some to buy a pit bull prods them to "accidentally" let it slip out of the yard even more often than most. They want the drama. They want to play the victim when others call them on it as if they and their precious murder-beast are being targeted in a pogrom.

On a completely unrelated topic, the webcomic site Big Head Press has seemingly shrunk a bit over the years, down to its main libertarian adventure yarn and its porn spin-off. A couple of decades ago it also hosted a gargle of similar fare, including The Probability Broach, wherein a medium-boiled detective from a commie hell-topia travels to an alternate-dimension free-market paradise to be shown the wrong of his assumptions on public safety and powermongering, yadda-yadda, you know how that sort of story goes where academics are evil wizards and anyone who's not a shotgun-totin' shitkicker might by some contrivance prove a devious foreign subversive. Given how much of it reads like Robert Heinlein fanfiction, I will admit to having enjoyed The Broach well enough, which did not blind me to some of its more batshit insane moments, more often than not involving Americans' obsession with firearms.

 

"Vaughn's gun didn't do him much good, though."

"Not against a machinegun -- that's what happens when you outlaw handguns -- matters escalate."

Wait, so if you outlaw pit bulls, everyone will manage to find and buy Bengal tigers? How does that track? You gave your character gun N, had him killed by gun N+1, all as proof that N-1 would result in more gun murder? Well, I'm sure it aaall made sense back at the rally...*

 

Most comical the railing against criticism of the gun fetish as sexual sublimation, when the detective's requisite plucky love interest wails for a few pages around the stunning line: "who's sicker, somebody who thinks his gun is a sexual organ, or somebody who wants to take everybody's sexual organs away?"

Umm, the first category, definitely. You're still the crazy one. Your sublimation is unhealthy, and if my Pride-And-Joy were a revolver, I wouldn't blame you for making me at least wear a kevlar condom around town. 

 

There's a particular insanity to the image of a pit bull as call to atavism, as a strongman championing "the hood (at)" or his people, tribe, what-have-you. Much as a religious cretin might in his unbearable ignorance present an agriculturally, artificially selected banana as symbol of God's tailoring of the world for humans, a pit bull is the result of hyperselection for a highly artificial environment, the fighting pit. It exists at the mercy and self-destructive insanity of an entirely different species. In the wild it would show its innumerable disadvantages like its coat or its loss of energy-saving canine loping gait, etc. Wolves are certainly more aggressive than domestic dogs as a whole, but a wolf born with a pit bull's omnidirectional hyperaggression would likely be torn apart by the rest of its pack or would at least be abandoned to its fate when it idiotically runs at a bear or whatever. Most animals value but also understand the limitations of turf and trespassing. T'would be impolitic not to.

 

And for the human species itself, while warrior castes had existed for millennia, mass militarist sentiment among the lower classes was a rare phenomenon until Napoleon's** adept exploitation of our overdeveloped social-climbing instinct, discovering he could pay soldiers, instead of material goods, in artificial status symbols a.k.a. medals a.k.a. the latest spaulders in Word of Warcraft. North-American colonists had guns for immediate necessity, not sport or ideology.

 

But in closing we must in brief touch on Pekingese and try not to lose a finger, because many toy breeds in fact display the same level of aggression as pit bulls, and are undisciplined even by that comparison! Had Chihuahuas the size to carry through on their intent, every tupperware party would end as redly as Cujo's wettest dreams. And as for surviving in a natural state, well... let's just say the local squirrels would acquit themselves better. By analogy, if you scoff at the absurdity of pumping military staff full of testosterone, admit depo-provera's no divine ambrosia either. There's nothing healthier or more natural in recent decades' obsession with feminization, in fabricating a political prop of what should be personal choice, in the feminist movement's desperation to prop up transsexuals and transvestites and metrosexual poodles as morally superior misandrist converts and a show of diversity reducing diversity to a neutered cherub ideal. Feminists' yapping purse-pooches have made at least as much a spectacle of their ideology as libertarian gun nuts, and their market penetration is even greater. Gun Queen Story Hour, anyone?

 

So yes, great, leash the current political insanity. Then also leash the other brand you've refused to address for decades running. As would be politic.

 

 

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* A lot of times this sort of argument hearkens back to increased alcohol consumption during prohibition, naively ignoring that manufacturing a machine gun takes a helluva lot more investment, coordination and precision than mashing some grapes in a barrel and forgetting about the sauce for a while. Bathtub gin is doable. Bathtub anti-air missiles, not so much. The proliferation of firearms is not a grass-roots movement, but the result of very large, very organized, very governmental corporate profiteering.

 

** Though Napoleon tends to be over-credited for this. Pretty sure the Prussians were developing the same system around the same time. 

AoW4 Factions, 23

AoW4 has managed the odd feat, unequaled since City of Heroes, of inspiring me to not just write up a character bio but constantly create new factions and give them all more or less whimsical flavor text. So here they are, one by one:

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I've always hated the roleplaying stigma against death and necromancy, so last year I made several Shadow factions playing the evil either up or down as the mood struck me. This ended up my favorite one of the bunch. Shadow/astral have great synergy in terms of spellcasting, though these guys aren't as specialized for pure nuking as my syrons or Cheshire cats. In contrast to my usual summon/buff-heavy routine (though I do miss my beasts 'n weeds) this faction needs a scant few summons to shore up the front line (made up of skeleton cannon fodder in the first place) before they simply debuff and nuke everything in some truly spectacular displays of pyrotechnics (cryotechnics?) especially with various casting point bonuses meaning you can really let rip with the big guns. (Caveat: always starved for mana.) Strategically, the economic side's a struggle but rapid research at least widens my bag of tricks quickly, freebie skeletons ease the recruitment pressure and the Keepers of Knowledge diplomatic bonuses help more than expected. Also, a Defender giant avatar combined with back-row evokers allows for faster than usual early expansion, for a nerd faction. Love it, and replayed it a few times after ascension.

A Fine Frenzy

Erase her despair, you've always been there, you're shorter of hair, you're shorter on hair, la mer des mêres your Venus declare or you're off to the chair, all the spoils of a wasted life through all of my wasted years, through all of my wasted tears off the tourniquet, she still has all her hair but your bones crack in her little teeth, won't you be her leather, Pat's still perky but the old game is not up, Herbert, revert, don't lose sight of the dog that's inside you better yet don't lose consciousness with your back to the bitch, the oldest game is never over, the oldest profession has no borders, will you take your place in the great below her navel gazing, did they warn you of hazing, did they warn you of negging did they warn you of hazel eyes always seeking above is her sun your sun is hersun your sun ishersunyoursun, oh repair, she's always been there she comes, walking down the street race you to the finish line it's in a courthouse guns to your head when you've got nothing left to give sever flesh and bone and offer it to Herbert learned his lesson eventually but did you despair of the aristocratic life commitment it did she have a headache and where did she sleep last night, in the pi nes and you did you sleep in the lake of fire where the tied up, used up and dead to the world end up the hill to fetch a peel it back and doesn't it make you feel better to regiment your bhisti, christie lists her wants to loam your seedy needs, down girl down, down girl down you send him in it, she was up above it all, but when you live with ape men it's hard to be clean track it from the beginning, with beer and bread and a road well traveled the priestess cured wild meat into a hero, always who pay - two or three months does it mutter how much as if every month after, und du hast night gesicko, perverted luste, sons of goddesses ach schweine, sate this liebste meine hands and knees we crawl you cannot stop us all of this for youuuu-hooochie that frail braining you with her heart as big as a whale at the casino she know how to kick the gong around so git to the track and make them dullards fast but it'll never be enough, never be enough, never be enough to fill your head the dormouse said right before the cat meowed and out he cowed, the oxy, oxy ollenfree, all the men she tells youuu-hooo will never be, still gardening her bed of krater-era icons, the blood of your foes burns you at her jealous will you won't you realize she had you made from the start, made man high-grade man, rock superstar, five cars you're in charge of the honeys at the palladium is an imaginary currency at which girlies was laughin 'cause how's that gonna help you get a friend from whose ride to holla, when you gettin' clean of the heroine, where the parents comin' at you with supersonic speeds for the grand kids with guns gonna get it where I can't look at the world the way you look at the world is not enough but it's a start my love you 'til the day that hie die ist die erste stern von alle sad pictures of girls getting bitter sisters you used to have but don't any more than she can give her body it would be impolitic to bring up the soul cages in the fishwoman's yard full of brass watch, a cheque, maybe three weeks to live your fear of biological imperatives, it's relative, it's all in the family, they're hiding inside of me, sie will es und so ist es brauch, was sie will bekommt sie you gonna do right like some other man do it young and stupid the way she likes it's always there, oh despair of seeing her dancing pretty with tears in her eyes blackbird singing in the dead of night for her slice of your pie, deny your goddess three times into the seven day binge, that to surrender magnificently to passion accurst, but Fiduciary Annie's just a girl to me, kinda down, kinda feelin' some feelings you wouldn't believe the good old spells on you, 'cause you're hers if you love her, hers if you hasst her dead disco, dead funk, dead rock and roll was a euphemism for the dead love couldn't go no further her goals, hells' bells knocks me on my knees, rolls with platinum wheels, that don't impress her much ado about the shrew, but the mouse is called immodest if he redirects your female gaze from the glass ceiling where mandy went to med school to the glass floor where every scrub takes three steps toward the door mister, it ain't right babe, no, it ain't right, no, no, to feel so lucky while gettin's good times are killing me was this for real, just an illusion, a toxic pillory to make her numb to your place in the dirt, a toxic pillory to make you dumb to her funny little face, 'cause there's a knife for every day that I've known you, just remember, when you think you're free, you'll never be free, you'll never be free, you'll be the revenging mariner hoping that you'd die holding hands, have you started to turn into somebody else, that always happens to somebody else, you'll always know who you are, from the other side of the sixteen military wives reclaiming your small estate, disorder, disorder the toxicity of your city in the deep dank tarn where your hideous heart keeps beating, straining against Annie's grip for more, more than the chore, more than the bore, more than before, more than a mandate to adore, more than a man dares to restore, the crisped and sere hopes of lone moan before Weir was haunted by ghoulfriends, when they called him unforgiven unto unprofitable intrigues soaring above the beldam's curtain poles where Brunhild gets ever more impatient in her ring of monetized desire, where it's curtains for Marsyas preaching to the choir, down in the park where Paris and Ravana and Nessus and Koschei offer the spoils of a wasted life, allzumenschliche for yoouuuu-hoo've always been their, you've always been their, you've always been their despair.

Oh, despair, she'll always be there.

 

________________

 

 

 

I've been doing fewer of these stream-of-consciousness rambles the past couple of years, for... multiple reasons. One being that song lyrics and other quotes have increasingly hijacked said streams. This time though, it even started with a song, getting back in my car exhausted and drenched with a sudden rainstorm after a walk through the woods but somehow still sweating and struggling for breath, and the stereo piped up with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Despair. The singer's got the type of voice that really hits me (cf. Garbage, Metric, In This Moment, etc.) and so from the first lyrics my miserable drowned rat physical state was wrenched into her meaning, her intonation. And all I could think driving home was how fucking unfair this was, even as I worshipped every lilt and sigh and set it on repeat. I won't even bother trying right now to list every source I ripped off above. Some references even I can't remember after the fact, and this is about 90% random rip-offs by volume. Herbert is an initial and the mother of mothers references both NIN and my favorite comic book. The first few phrases were mentally composed on my way home, most of the rest sitting in a hot bath until my old tablet's text editor crashed on me and erased what I hadn't saved. So it goes. That was three months ago. I finally rediscovered it during another bath and picked up the Poe quote where I'd left off. So it also goes. But the last line was fixed as soon as I got in my car back then. And it still goes.

Spiny Orb Weavers

I've been getting better at spotting these absolute weirdos.

The main problem is that they seem to prefer shade, making not just spotting but photography a bit tricky.

Sometimes you get a closer encounter than you'd like though. They sling their webs a bit higher than triangle orb weavers, but I still ended up raking this one's apart with the top of my head.

It landed on my shirt sleeve, and I had a few precious moments to snap some photos one-handed. That is not a happy spidey by the way. Pretty sure when they rear up like that, you're about to get bitten. My shirt was comfortably loose though and hanging apart from my skin, so I was fairly confident it would not get through. Which did not stop me from quickly brushing it off with my camera lens the moment it made a move.

Go Limit Yourself

Last month when I referenced the Netflix miniseries Ripley it turned my stomach to see it listed as a "limited series" on commentary sites, even in one of two instances on Wikipedia. That's not a valid term. It's a corporate marketing slogan. We already had a name for it, which is to say the old marketing slogan. Miniseries have existed for half a century and when they launched I'm sure the jargon sold for a while, sounded coquettish and fun like mini candy bars. Now of course a few quick economic recessions have given the public a taste for full-sized candy bars instead, so suddenly you're sold something "limited" to sound exclusive like collectable comics and get-it-while-supplies-last!

 

But why the fuck are the rest of you swallowing their bullshit? You are not obligated to use their word. You can still call it a miniseries. If it is true that you've built up a resistance to the old marketing hype, if it no longer fools you, that is precisely why you should absolutely refuse to call it anything else! In fact, whenever some Mad Man runs up to you shouting the latest focus-grouped buzz-word rebranding an existing product, the appropriate response is to kick his lying bitch teeth in, not collude in his manipulation of you!

 

...

...

Now let's talk about "mansplaining"... 

Today is August 5, 2026.

There Will Come Soft Rains

"And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I."

- The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

 

 

Today is August 4, 2026

 

If you have not seen Grave of the Fireflies, try to find the original Japanese cut, the one that doesn't spoil the ending and dull its clout. Speaking of which, spoiler alert farther down this page. But we're starting with the weather. It was lovely until a couple of months ago. Sure, globally the warming trend continued, but in the couple of locations I keep an eye on, 2025 all the way to the early summer of '26 marked the longest stretch of sane weather in a couple of decades. We had a couple of slowly defrosting springs, a real winter with real winter freeze, a stormy last fall ending in biting sleet, a healthy amount of rain restocking the local hydrosphere after previous years' droughts, the works. Local works.

 

Every time I'd talk to my relatives and they'd remark on the cold I'd have to remind them: no, you're older than me, you should remember! This is how it's supposed to be, this is how winter felt in my childhood forty years ago, when we used to make snow forts and they'd last a week instead of not bothering with even a snowman that melts by afternoon. No, don't complain about a cold snap, March weather is supposed to slingshot insanely between freezing and balmy, not rocket straight to 30C all at once! And then in April and May they'd start commenting how nice the weather is for long walks and I'd remind them, well, just wait, 'cause the climate's still set to boil over, all the extra heat hasn't gone anywhere, that little chill, we're gonna pay it off pretty soon. And now it's pretty soon in July and August, and last year's bill's come due. Europe and Canada are getting torched by wildfires and Californians are holding their breath knowing they're next and it's pointless to remind everyone this new normal never had to happen.

 

Today is August 4, 2026

 

In Takahata's brilliance, Grave of the Fireflies' sneakiest gut punch comes not from ladling on shock value gruesomeness, but from painting its grim theme in Ghibli's habitually lush palettes. As the story progresses and our protagonists' plight grows ever grimmer, no matter how sapped they are of vitality, nature around them insists on lavishing its beauty and cheer upon other observers. Sapphire skies overlook verdant pulchritude and blade and leaf vibrate with newfound hope, perversely mocking the children's suffering. That perverse beauty shining through in Teasdale's poem as well gives the crucial counterpoint to Bradbury's automated house in There Will Come Soft Rains, penultimate story in the classic Martian Chronicles.

 

As in The Veldt, Bradbury's automated house, by doing everything for you, becomes symbolic of a system which though it appears to merely remove the drudgery of physical existence, instead overshoots into fabricating an environment feeding base impulses but where the intent and intellect which should rule such baser drives play no part, where appetites and habit formation run amok.

 

Today is August 4, 2026

 

But, like Teasdale or Takahata, I think our thousand-times-great-grand-pere of fabulism cheated his audience by holding a better option in the wings, by allowing readers a feeling that things could have been different if better decisions had been taken, that beauty can even exist to be experienced. The story was, as I said, after all, penultimate in its collection, followed by a glimmer of hope for a fresh start and conviction not to repeat old mistakes. No such hope exists. We're seeing the self-destruct quotient in the Drake equation, and it's not bombs or killer robots; it's consumer demand. The subhuman masses opt for football and empty calories and social competition, never advancement. Intellect subverted toward animal goals empowers the animal to destroy intellect. Every other human on the planet is a knife at your throat.

 

Today is August 4, 2026 

Camp Songs

Tent caterpillars make a pretty dramatic sight. Except these are not part of that specialized group.

They are instead fall webworm, Hyphantria cunea, classified instead in the gigantic Noctuoidea superfamily of moths. Convergent evolution is a wonderful thing.

Opinions seems to differ as to just how damaging the species is. I've certainly seen them kill off entire trees... but small ones, and isolated. Mostly, some people just seem to think they look creepy. Unlike tent caterpillars which build a single tent at a branch node, webworms' modus operandi is to net entire smaller branches at a time and polish off every leaf. And if you've seen them anywhere other than North America, they're invasive. (According to my mother, her grandmother used to take a literal torch to their webs.)

As an aside, notice in the next shot the six true legs (the spinier ones toward its head, toward the right part of its body) with the distinction very clear between those (which will become the insect's legs in adulthood) and the jelly-like pseudopods along the rest of its body, which will be lost during metamorphosis.

But the funny part (as with tent caterpillars) is that you can make these little jokers dance. When spooked, like, say, at certain sound frequencies (well within the range of human vocal chords) they will all start shaking their upper bodies, to prevent predators or their numerous parasites from landing on them.

Sadly for me, I visited these particular campers at dawn on a clammy, cloudy, breezy early autumn day, and they were so chilled they could barely even move. A couple of them tried shaking their groove thing, but even then it was more of a macarena than a Charleston.

 

I guess that would have been a good chance for me to lay my eggs on them. If I were so inclined. Ah, well. Opportunities lost. 

Thanks for Playing!

I tried Team Fortress 2 again recently after some years' absence. Development having altogether ceased when Valve saw Overwatch's release gut its own playerbase, pretty much zero things have changed. "Competitive" mode is still an idiotically shrunken duel/pissing contest abandoning all the game's strengths trying in vain to copy Overwatch's appeal and not worth the bother. But of course casual 12v12 mode is itself utterly poisoned by retarded trash refusing to fight, AFKing, sitting around spamming emotes or just quitting at the first death. Matches are not decided by relative worth but by which team actually has players... y'know... playing the motherfucking game?

 

It's not as though Valve wasn't always aware of this, but their insane excuse for a solution doing more harm than good remains in effect: automatically switching players from the larger to the smaller team. So after I've spent two minutes healing everyone on the control point for an easy victory, I'm forced to take the place of the dickless bitches I made quit and be punished with automatically losing during the third minute for having played too well. Aaand, uninstall again, that's enough of that.

 

But it's not as if I can get my fix of teamwork any better way. I was permanently banned from Warframe a year or two ago for raging against a griefer deliberately running up behind me repeatedly undoing all our team's quest progress step by step by step - but you can bet no action was taken against the griefer himself. Here's a snapshot match history from League of Legends* from... last year I think?

Unless you believe I was the noobiest noob that ever n00bed a noob at the start... then suddenly became an absolute GAMER GOD!!! for ten or fifteen matches straight... only to again switch to N00b!-mode for no particular reason... then again to god-mode... then again to noob-mode... and so on, endlessly, well obviously something other than my quality as a player is deciding match outcomes. The moment Riot's algorithm identifies you as better, it punishes you by giving you worse teammates, and worse, and worse, until tanking your average to its satisfaction.

 

Now, of course it's important to have balanced teams, but that's the whole point of having "leagues" so that teams can be composed of players of the same general aptitude. GENERAL aptitude. INDIVIDUALLY teaming worse players with better ones merely punishes the better and rewards the worse. Moreover, it shows that Riot's datamining can easily determine who the griefers are, and instead of eliminating those guilty of ruining matches keeps them in the playerbase for the express purpose of punishing their betters. 

 

On a completely unrelated topic, once upon a time I was motoring some Podunkian byways, late morning sometime before lunch hour, sun shining, birds singing, lovely day, when I suddenly slam the brakes! Was it a squirrel, a stray cat, a deer? No, it was some pasty guy, shirtless, tattooed up to his neck (pretty sure there was a swastika in there somewhere) stumbling aimlessly in a daze, sporting the stringy, bug-eyed aesthetic of methamphetamine addiction which you learn to spot as a self-preservation mechanism if you ever sojourn in Middle America. And who knows what else he was on. Far from jumping away from near-collision he draws himself up in surprise, still standing in the middle of the street, and draws back his fist as if to punch the hood of my car... then in the next split-second jerks his head up, blinking at the sun, distracted by some noise in the trees, and stumbles off the road again, straight into the bushes. For the record, I don't particularly give a shit what substances you're on, except as an indicator of likely behaviors including stumbling into traffic and punching cars which should by all rights disqualify you from participation in society. We have more traffic laws than anyone can keep track of. They're very good at punishing the otherwise blameless for "speeding" on empty roads. How useful are they at keeping crackheads from denting my grille?

It's gotten almost impossible to get rubbing alcohol at pharmacies these past years, simple ethyl alcohol, forcing a switch to the less digestible isopropyl. Why? I'm not the one getting drunk off the shit. Why am I being punished? Police those actually guilty of abuse. Why did we spend a quarter century taking our shoes off at the airport? And more importantly, for every convenience and dignity we have always been made to surrender in the name of some greater good, call it firearms or marijuana depending on your political affiliation, you have to ask: yes, fine, but what are you doing with the actual guilty parties you catch? Why are murderers not executed? Why is the car-punching good old boy still drunk-walking the streets? You can't seriously tell me it hasn't harmed others before. Conversely, I've committed no harm condemning me to be subjected to, and endangered by, its presence.

 

Game companies claim to fight cheating while openly cheating to enable griefers. Governments claim to promote the public good while deliberately feeding whatever worst demographic will vote for them, be it crackheads in the city or meth-heads in the sticks. Why? Online games have long achieved, by their very nature, the totalitarian mass surveillance and absolute power real-world soldiers and politicians only envision in their sadism. The griefing and cheating yet pervading all such games, the fact the companies themselves, without being asked, take it upon themselves to cheat on behalf of their worst customers and shield them from repercussions, unerringly reveals the truism of every "people's republic": that all their oppression renders life more dangerous, not less, funneling sadists up the ranks of power. Why?

 

Well, partly for sheer profit by numbers, the "for the people" motivation masking weaponized, monetized mob rule, but also because just like Valve, Digital Extremes and Riot refusing to ban potential customers no matter what harm they cause to their betters, just as their algorithms deliberately employ those griefers to harm better players, governments see value in keeping destructive filth threatening others, a ready stock of easily manipulated lynch mobs and a drain on the prosperity of the now vanished middle class. There is no way to improve any society, real or virtual, without exterminating its worst elements, and that is precisely why those elements are never exterminated, being too useful as tools of control over the greater system. Every ruler wants mindless thugs, scabs and strikebreakers, to throw at principled dissenters. Every ruler wants to be able to decree when an underling should lose a match, and to do so via proxy so as to maintain deniability.

 

Want progress? Exterminate the filth. Eh, screw it, never mind, it's about a century too late to avoid collapse anyway.

. 

 

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* Yeah, I know the game's shit anyway, but it's not like the genre offers better options these days.

I am become derp, destroyer of words.

AoW4 Factions, 22

AoW4 has managed the odd feat, unequaled since City of Heroes, of inspiring me to not just write up a character bio but constantly create new factions and give them all more or less whimsical flavor text. So here they are, one by one:

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Not sure what syrons are supposed to be other than cheesy super-elves from beyond the moon, so never paid them any attention. In practice though, their caster focus suits me just fine. Combined with mystic potential and wizard king casting, I fell into an easy rhythm cycling buffed spells to blast through fights. Their description turned into one of the more philosophical ones too, and not a little apropos of gaming escapism. I'd still rather have elves though.

The Necromancer's Tale

"This world's all wrong

So let's go where we belong

Pack up the stereo, meet at the burial ground

Contract malaria, meet at the burial ground"

 

The Decemberists - Burial Ground

_________________________________________ 

 

"Something in me recoiled at his expression of joy. How could a man be so happy while both my sleep and waking hours were tormented by whispers from the grave?"

 

It was a dark and stormy night.

No, really.

Hi-diddly-ho, neighbourinos. Don't mind me, just doing a bit of... uhh... gardening... at the witching hour of night, in a graveyard, guarded by a boiling cauldron of mind-altering brew. It's alright. I'm a professional.
 

Which is a weird way to start this, since despite overall enjoying the game I'll repeatedly be accusing its creator of amateurishness. The barrier of entry for garage projects in game design rose steeply to complete unfeasibility in the 2000s' 3D graphic arms race era, but has been gradually dropping again over the past decade as a "good enough" suite of generic engines and assets have become more widely accessible.* If credits are to be believed, The Necromancer's Tale is, more so than even Wildermyth, a mom-and-pop project authored/programmed largely or entirely by one writer and staffed in part by a suspicious repetition of that author's last name.

 

This time though, the strain really shows in some blatant project creep, straining to accommodate far more RPG stats, more NPC merchants, more items including cosmetics, than was healthy for its overall capacity. I would have rather seen more finessing at a smaller scale. The program has locked up a few times, the conversation interface resetting up and down is just visually distracting, oddball auto/quicksaves tied to manual saves themselves overwriting save titles, the mouse pointer is far too easily confused by nearby objects and requires frequent zooming and camera turning to select, pathing... gets you to where you clicked eventually but takes some weirdly unoptimized zig-zags, the repetitiveness of carrying and animating skeletons gets very grindy after a couple of chapters, the entire item system is littered with redundant or useless pickups. And while it's not really at the same level of flaws, it drives my inner librarian nuts that the town map is not aligned to North! Not all art assets are well applied to the setting, like a rather modern-looking indoor flush toilet in 1730. I suppose it's a gray area, as the nobility could've had early models... in London, not an Adriatic Ruritania.

No chamber-pots for our musketeers!

And while dialogue trees are laudably well fertilized, a one-man show simply lacked the means to address all possible interactions, yielding some comically oblivious NPCs.

Then she took an arrow in the knee

For all that, RPG fans (myself included) would gladly have sung the praises of The Necromancer's Tale for its handling of several long-standing lacks in cRPG design: avoiding a strict "chosen one" plot, making the player pay attention to his actions, and most importantly playing the dark side and smoothing out the all too facile power fantasy by a self-conscious stinginess toward spell slots and minions. In fact, the entire first chapter is an extended choose-your-own-adventure character creation device:

And if you're wondering, yes, I did end up answering precisely the right questions to yet again make myself an elf wizard. 

Hey, I gotta be me.

Even afterward, the second chapter is played in adventure game dialogue mode, the third is exploration of the town, you try your first tentative fight by chapter four and only really get into tactical combat by chapter six of sixteen. Overall I preferred Tides of Numenera's version of individual stat pools and investment in consumables (even if it was too easy to cover all bases) but stat investment strategy's still handled quite well here, never locking you out of progression yet definitely making you wary of wasting your four flex points needed to surpass a particularly obstructive skill check once a chapter. It all adds up to highly satisfying dramatic escalation paired with an equally well-considered build-up of your own occult power, from vague inklings to tentative toying and cooking experiments to fumbling first efforts to earning your place as a true force of un-nature. Nothing comes easy for our van Elstrik, but as a result each advance is far more meaningful.

 

Unfortunately, the worldbuilding's very hit-or-miss. The author did some reading, I'll grant (thematically apt literary references pepper your environs) but lacked a coherent feel for preindustrial mannerisms or speech or daily life. Incongruities crop up in every expository paragraph. There was no "pulp" fiction in 1730, books being still quite rare and scant literacy providing no market. Children would've been farm labor or at best shop apprentices. What grates most of all is the constant and absurd repetition of "okay" a quite modern Americanism which only spread to the rest of the world with 20th-century mass-media and cannot be waved away by the universal translation convention. DIY voicing lands all over the map, sometimes spot-on (the more casual anglophone characters) other times groaningly terrible (socialites or any "ethnic" accents like Slavs or Italians) to where it immediately breaks immersion.** Which brings us to the piles upon piles of gratuitous snowflakery, because there. are. a. lot. of those quaint ethnic extras serving absolutely no purpose but to stamp some "inclusivity" form in the writer's brain. It was odd from the start mixing Venice with an imaginary Ruritania, but then you pile on with Irish, German, Austrian, English, Senegalese, Chinese, Turkish, plus various nondescript middle-Easterners or East-Europeans, and the setting loses all coherence, grinding the narrative to a halt again and again and again in performative multiculturalism. With every new pointless character waxing poetic on the virtues of other cultures or voicing anachronistic pacifism and populism, I couldn't help wondering why they didn't simply set their game in such an exotic locale or go for a straight-up fantasy world.

 

The setting would have been served far better by a more coherent portrayal of peasant life and Enlightenment-era craft guilds, of noble privilege and the intrusive and abusive power of the Church, agrarian dependence on the seasons and the whims of nature. Blighting crops and killing livestock are conspicuously absent manifestations of the dark arts here. Instead much of the game is devoted to tediously and redundantly lining up all the standard "woke" saints and devils, be it kow-towing to Islam or Orientalism or homosexuality (seriously, in 1700s Europe?!? gay men were treated as only slightly less unnatural than necromancy!) or a half-black half-brutha noble of spirit, or of course, as always, the most pervasive historical/biological revisionism of all, the feminist variety.

 

Man bad; woman good. Repeat the mantra.

For just a partial taste:

- bad enough to pretend no segregation of the sexes existed, but female sailors? 'nuff said

- said female sailor openly bragging about her promiscuity and conquests? would've gotten run out of town as a harlot, possibly by the local whores for muscling in on their turf (and that would've made a better story)

- female gang leader who apparently needs no male muscle 

- a perfect, victimized mother and evil father

- industrious and matriarchal society of progress

- witch gets automatically redeemed to a peaceful, friendly herbalist by the end because all her negative traits were the fault of men 

- a woman broke a rib <breaking up a fight> on the docks not <fighting> and "Her intent did not seem rude, but rather, efficient."and she's conveniently juxtaposed to a male doctor whose male brother is caught up in shady business and her male superior won't let her investigate the case of the evil males

- when throwing dice, the woman "shows men how it's done"

- ghost story about a husband betraying his wife to her untimely demise; for a bonus, stick in some line about her being too strong-willed for him

- your childhood friends now dating are a sitcom-standard savvy attractive female and bumbling dopey fat male

- a farmer's wife bitching about her arranged marriage as cause for armed rebellion and you get punished with a relations penalty if you reply with a line about personal merit

- a wife that's all business because her husband would run said business into the ground

- a brilliant scientific/mathematical female wasting away in an unhappy marriage to a sleazy husband 

 

Man bad; woman good. Repeat the mantra. As in Disco Elysium, creativity and coherence die instantly on contact with feminism. Sad, because once again there is some evident core talent here. It's just wasted chasing performative, moral majority-approved pablum instead of building on the strengths of the plot. Beyond that, other elements were shoehorned in as industry or pulp fiction standards, like the plethora of sex/romance subplots. Son of a cocksucker, in a story about necromancy of all things? Why!? Dragging these out well into the second half when we should be focusing more on the supernatural also make the last few chapters drag a bit.

 

From a more practical angle, quest/chapter progression tends toward the idiosyncratic or outright nonsensical at times. The Necromancer's Tale sells itself as among other things an "exploration" game, but as I've tried to point out numerous times, beach-combing is not exploration. Repeatedly combing the same beach, even less so. NPCs flicker in and out of existence or utility from chapter to chapter and (per adventure game norm) you constantly have to run around individually checking each one to see if new dialogue options have become available because random schmuck #16 sitting around town just happens to have an "in" you need to exploit to complete your quest (oh, she's his maid? good thing nobody even hinted at her existence the previous eight chapters and fifty times I wandered this location asking everyone what they do for a living!) Actions become available or unavailable depending on chapter (e.g. lockpicking, or curing the beaten Venetian) doors and town gates open at arbitrary times, and there are entirely, entirely too many random "gotcha" moments where you lose faction rep for asking standard adventurer questions, e.g. asking the apothecary about your father's death or merely asking a guard who the fuck he is. Gotcha moments do not serve as a meaningful challenge, but only the author's need to feel superior to his audience.

 

Yet still, given that, given all of that, admitting all of that fumbling, bumbling stumbling so worthy of grumbling, amazingly The Necromancer's Tale still breaks slightly better than even and deserves a playthrough.

It is hard to sufficiently emphasize just how effectively it nails its core feature of a gradual slide toward darkness and imperceptibly waxing mystic puissance. The crafting system is just involved enough to make you work for your reagents. Not only do the florid descriptions of supernatural sensations lend a far more visceral appeal to what would usually be summarized as "cast magic missile" but these mesh with mechanics like your mana pool initially depending heavily on a randomized "winds of magic" bonus which becomes less and less relevant the more your own power puts you beyond the whims of fate. New discoveries chain into each other, like a mystery investigation netting you a tank mook that can pass a couple of strength checks letting you among other things acquire a wraith summon which makes it much easier to farm zombies from bandits trying to ambush you. The spirit world begins to impinge upon your perception, putting you in danger of revealing your powers by accident. Your humanity meter starts dropping... but then, is that a bad thing? Your progress toward the unnatural feels perfectly natural, beginning with the best of intentions, forced into desperate measures by economic circumstance, continuing with verifiable righteousness, overindulging under the moral umbrella of others' worse crimes, growing beyond the pettiness of human morality.
 

I've said that necromancy itself needs a more even-tempered treatment than the primitive, thoughtless disgust with which it's treated. I've praised movies like Maggie which return to the core, low-key terrors of zombification. This is the best RPG treatment of such themes I've seen in a very long time. My favorite moment in the whole game was stashing my swelling army in the farthest corner of the map, in a place of ancient magic, just leaving them to stand, silent and expectant, in the cold, secret, dark reaches of oblivion, their lurid shadows dacing on rock walls as I shuffled among them in my burial shroud grave-lit by my demonic wand, adding the latest two or three zombies to the throng, or picking my tank mook out to sneak him back into town for repairs.

 

For all its faults, there is a lot to be said for a game that can make so much of so simple and unscripted a moment.

 

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* We shall not speak of RPGMaker or other chibified, pixelated retro junk.

** One of the voices sounds like the fishwife from the marketplace on Earth in Warframe?

 

P.S.: To me, there seemed only one logical way to end the story, but if achievement percentages are any indicator, most players did not go the route of eternal darkness, clinging to the more conventional morality of a redemption story instead. The author shows a lot of potential, but it will be wasted if that mass approval lodestone keeps skewing plots toward pablum.

Under Brush

It may be a cliche, but have you ever... watched your step?

This next log seems to have been singed by a brush fire at some point. Note the larva-dug tunnel uncovered on the left.

Not sure if that's the culprit on the bottom right, emerged to adulthood. Poor light conditions. Having a devil of a time identifying its fat butt. Wood-boring is a time-honored and widely adopted profession, but from a bit of image-searching only a couple of subfamilies like Cryptorhynchinae and Mesoptilinae have such... child-bearing hips, let's say.

 

I've always been fascinated by these tiny microcosms. 

A patch of moss, a log or rock, flowers and sporangia, saplings dreaming of the canopy, there's a whole epic in a single footstep.

It brings about a perspective shift when you realize even the tiny flitting fuzzlings we so casually dismiss tower over this world.

Maybe it's how delicate everything looks. 

Or maybe it's the sheer variety of form we so easily pass by, all those alien-looking lichens and mosses which, at least on the surface, appear so unconcerned with the rest of the biosphere's struggles.

"an anarcho-syndicalist commune"

"War and slavery, exploitation
The common basis of a Western nation
Official version, a falsified story
The truth lies buried in a shroud of glory"

 

KMFDM - Glory

 

 

I've said it before, but as chauvinistic garbage goes, there's a particular comedic wealth of pratfalls in the "woke" glorification of The Correct sex/race/sexuality, in just how often the politically correct thugs manage to trip over their own propaganda. I've been trying an amateurish but promising low-fantasy, low-budget RPG called The Necromancer's Tale recently, which I'll address in full later. But among the various "man bad; woman good" moral lessons and other standard snowflakery, one of the various trendily ethnic extras assuring us of non-European superiority stands out for sheer concentrated irrationality.

I'm amused enough at seeing Senegal gradually become everyone's go-to victim nation reference after The Good Place. So nice of the show's writers to teach everyone that word. The laser-focus on "The French And The English" is standard fare for reflexive adolescent posturing in ignorance of other cultures' interplay in maritime empires. As is flat-out ignoring the centuries of existing and continuing Arabic/Muslim oppression of North/East-Africans and central Asia before West-European Christians caught up in the imperial game. But the real cherry on top of the turd comes of having a character self-righteously wail and rail against slavery while praising the glory (of all things) of the Ottoman Empire! Ya randomly lobbed yer lil' ol' pokeball and of all places it could've landed, that's who you pika-chose to name-drop in counterpoint to slaving!?

 

This is not just a matter of "everybody used to do it" oh nonono. It is difficult if not impossible to think of any slavers in all of history more vicious, enduring, conniving and prolific than the Turks! Not Chinese ports, not Viking raiders, not ancient Egypt, nobody. The Atlantic triangle trade provides recognizable talking points (plantations, racial profiling, the middle passage) and ratcheted up to a dedicated industry indeed eclipsing other examples in a couple short centuries in sheer numbers. Astounding and lamentable, yes. But the Turkish love of slavery pervaded not only their own society but the slave networks of surrounding lands as well. If it's more difficult to pin down, it's because it wasn't one vast enterprise, no one gigantic demographic like black plantation labor. The Ottomans just had their fingers in every possible form and channel of slave trafficking spanning from Northern Africa to Western Asia to Eastern Europe.

 

Its most famous feature would be the regular, institutionalized slave tribute of young boys they forced from among victims of their invasions. But then you've got the Red Sea / NE-African slave trade inherited from their Muslim precursors, the fact that their every military campaign doubled as a slave raid, the off-the-books slave raids and other local banditry they funded across Eastern Europe, bankrolling Berber slavers down across the Sahara and Tartar khanates raiding North-eastern Europe, especially Poland, being the biggest players in Mediterranean coastal slave raids alongside their rabid pets off their leashes the Barbary Corsairs (think back, who's Conrad's antagonist in The Corsair?) colluding and trafficking with the multiple (and prolific in their own right) Muslim slaver-states in India, or being the chief sex slave runners and routinely castrating the males they caught, and when the whole game finally started winding down, when Europeans finally forced them to step back, continuing in places like Circassia where they reached a heartwarming compromise of a final solution with their perennial enemy empire to the north: let the Russians handle the genociding while the Turks cozily enslaved the remainder. And yes, just like in, say, Twelve Years a Slave, this institution so pervaded daily life that the Sultan had to occasionally crack down on his own slavers poaching his own subjects to sell back to each other. (Nobody likes a re-gifter.)

 

And if Americans were late to outlaw it, the Turks did not do so for another sixty years afterward. This all and more went on not for three centuries, but for the six-and-change centuries of the empire's official existence, that's if you're not counting the region's pre-imperial view of European heathens and Eurasian native societies in general as rightful slaves of the faithful. It far preceded, it out-lasted, it omnidirectionally out-reached the European version. In fact, given its geographic position, the Ruritania wherein is set The Necromancer's Tale would have been fighting off or fleeing Turkish slave raids as a mundane fact of life for several centuries by 1700!

 

It takes a self-flagellating, brainwashing, politically correct (and dare I say it: slavish) modern education to so bullheadedly, boneheadedly ignore all historical proportion and deliberately glorify such millennial sadism as morally superior. Bloody peasant!

AoW4 Factions, 21

AoW4 has managed the odd feat, unequaled since City of Heroes, of inspiring me to not just write up a character bio but constantly create new factions and give them all more or less whimsical flavor text. So here they are, one by one:

________________________________________________________________________________

I wanted to build a giant's faction around brute force, with nasty ogres wading into fights and just hacking away at targets until they drop... and that's exactly what I got. Probably the least complicated faction I ever played. Like the primal halflings, being pretty tough they got a lot more use than others out of their primal buff stacks. They remind me of those cops from Idiocracy somehow. Ah, that's enough o' yer bullshit, sir.

Ripley, Alumnus of Woolloomooloo

"I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library

Line up to the mind cemetery now

What we don't know keeps the contracts alive and movin'

They don't gotta burn the books they just remove 'em"

 

Rage Against the Machine - Bulls On Parade

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"It does NOT follow that because a good many of the intellectuals belong to the 97 per cent of the broke--that plenty of actors and teachers and nurses and musicians don't get any better paid than stage hands or electricians, therefore their interests are the same. It isn't what you earn but how you spend it that fixes your class--whether you prefer bigger funeral services or more books. I'm tired of apologizing for not having a dirty neck!"

 

Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here

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"Could you please explain to me why you do not take tea?"

"Take tea," Jillian sneered. "That's exactly why. You 'take tea.' There's a ritual. Etiquette. It's stupid." She sat forward and pointed to the steaming teapot. "It's a beverage. Hot dirty water in a cup. You pick it up and drink it.

[...]

But I thought your side didn't care about Royalty. Vinny said titles and stuff didn't matter to you guys as much as getting the mission done."
Instead of beckoning the serving Doll, Don King leaned very far forward, reached an uncomfortable and rude distance across the table, and picked up the teapot. With deliberate carelessness, he sloshed tea into his cup, spilling and dripping all over the white lace. As Jillian watched him, he banged down the pot and picked up the fine china cup in his whole fist. He raised it up high, spilling more of it.
"To hot dirty water in a cup!" he shouted loudly. Bunny sort of snapped out of her reverie and leaned away from Don King on the couch, looking slightly alarmed. He put the cup to his mouth and gulped it down, spilling some down his cheeks and onto his shirt. Then he held up the half-empty cup again and bellowed, "To etiquette!"
He hurled the cup backhand, hard, and without a glance at where it might land. It struck a column and shattered against a marble mantle. Jillian stood up sharply.
"What was that!" she demanded.
Don King shrugged. "Me not carin' about Royalty." He wiped his dripping face with his sleeve, exaggerating the slovenliness of the gesture. "Ugly, ain't it? Siddown.

[...]

Just as a mouse cannot choose to be a wolf, a wolf can't live like a mouse. You are so clearly a Royal that it pains me to see how you act. You cannot forever deny the way the Titans made you."

"How?" Jillian challenged. "How am I 'clearly a Royal?'"

"Hundreds of little ways. You act rudely on purpose, but rudeness shocks you."

 

Erfworld, Book 1, Epilogue pp. 20-21

(or, substitute that "Superman's always Superman" speech given by the villain from Kill Bill (what was his name again?))

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I've not bothered watching Rachel Maddow in well over a decade (damn, how much hair dye and collagen is the old girl absorbing on a weekly basis now?*) but that show is where I acquired my taste for longwinded, awkwardly obtuse segues. I also greatly appreciated her not adopting some down-home folksy demeanor to placate the average consumer. Though I can only assume it a universal feature of media marketing, any objective observer must be struck by the frequency with which American celebrities in particular must reinforce their "average Joe" credentials and affect monosyllabic vocabularies. MSNBC's insistence on urbane (there's that word again) middlebrow stars mixing cocktails instead of chugging beer was, in that context, a real breath of fresh air a couple decades ago.

 

I bring this up now because the conjunction of the World Cup and America's big 250 has flooded channels with one transparently dishonest auto da fe after another. Well-read adults with nary a trace of drool on their chins clapping like toddlers in adulation of braindead jocks' high-kicking exploits and waving flags as fake as the plastic one propped up on the moon. As if TV presenters' usual pretense of caring about baseball and American football wasn't bad enough. (Was I ever meant to believe John Oliver watches wrestling? Please.) But, to reverse that train of thought, if watching some Ivy League starched shirt pretend he's jizzing at the mere thought of the next NASCAR race is awkward enough, try selling copies of The Canterbury Tales at a hot dog eating contest.

 

On a completely unrelated topic, Netflix continues its gradual campaign to improve its brand image beyond zombie flicks and sex comedies. A couple of years ago this came in the form of Ripley, previously adapted in glitzier Hollywood fashion as The Talented Mr. Ripley from the story by the same name, which I've never read and will not be addressing. The newer version's an aggressively old school affair, black-and-white, light on effects and camera footwork and heavy on the location shots, characters and acting. It's... excellent, really, and I say that as a SciFi fan rarely bothering with crime dramas. Among its more memorable aspects: the subtlety of the protagonist's portrayal. Despite his repeated successes, Ripley is clever but by no means a superintelligent criminal mastermind, nor the most adept confidence artist. Many times his pathetic desperation, his mental instability, his obvious lack of any coherent grand design, shine through his otherwise sociopathically blank disinterest in anything but climbing over others.

 

The more comedic such moments concern his stumbling attempts to pass as classy. More than a matter of knowing the proper protocol, his intrinsic suspiciousness, over-eagerness, shiftiness, all betray the degenerate gutter rat he really is and always will be underneath all his pretense.** All but the most naive sense something off about the guy. You can hear a similar artificiality in real life in the stilted pretense of respectful speech adopted by cops, all the sirring and the vee-hickle and other polysyllabic posturing so alien to the average flatfoot's mouth that he'd sound more natural reading microwave instructions.

 

It brings my mind around to junior high. For a couple of years I had been gradually drifting farther from my classmates' reliance on slang*** and mindless beat-fillers like "like" but not until 8th grade did I make a conscious decision to avoid the word "cool" - and you'll notice I generally still do, aside from the occasional very pointed interjection. Reliance on terminology expressing no quality of its object, animal calls reflecting only in-group belonging, is not just pointless but open vandalism disrupting thought. Clarity matters. Expressiveness matters. To some.

 

This would have come shortly before Bulls On Parade started rocking the airwaves, and I have to wonder if those Ragers have ever or will ever admit that it was their very own audience that removed the books. "The public stopped reading of its own accord" a savvier observer predicted forty years earlier. As I reached high school, another of those thought-terminating cliches began circling pop culture, one that should still sound familiar: "dead white men." A mighty coalition of the Malcolm-X-worshipping inner city blacks championed by Rage Against the Machine, of feminists, of New Agers and comfortably suburban Asian kids giving teenage rebellion a tentative chance before settling into a lifetime of filial piety, joined by every white kid rebelling against nothing more substantive than homework, all decreed they had nothing to learn from "dead white men" because by the sin of whiteness or of maleness or their most inexcusable deadness, such speakers could not possibly have said anything of relevance to our modern breed. Who needs existentialism, the Bill of Rights and nuclear physics when you can run an entire society on Maya Angelou quotes? Oh, wait, she's dead now...

 

I'm not merely trying to point out the continuation of such rhetoric into the present-day circus of identity politics, but to convey the decline was a long time coming. Certainly since before my own generation. What should have been a break with the authoritarianism of the past, with militarism, with religious brainwashing, with wage slavery, became a myriad piddling dictatorships courting corporate sponsorship and enforcing their own rigid hierarchies of sex or skin color and straining to erase all culture beyond their insipid slogans. Modern revolutionaries have long revealed themselves as not Gavroches but Defarges, driven not by pluck and benevolence but a rudderless animalistic aggression redirected to targets of opportunity "like the flame of a blowlamp" to quote another dead white man. Their intersection with education and intelligentsia has left a wasteland in their wake, a locust swarm of grievance studies departments and diversity consultants and feminist math curricula gleefully completing the work of right wing defunding and religious pressure in destroying both universities and lower education.

 

Both supposedly opposing sides are eager enough to fabricate their own history. The old gilded revisionism painting tidy images of heroic settlers sweeping across an empty American continent scattering a few unworthy savages and kindly giving a home to African extracts was ridiculous in its own right, sure. But what's the point of replacing it with a farcical monster story in which the only crimes in history are those of Europeans and men are descended from apes but women are descended from heaven and drag queens first landed on the moon in Malinese spaceships? Or whatever the fuck they're cooking up next. There is no more honesty in limiting thought to declarations that George Washington Was A Slaveowner than in claiming the Civil War was about "states' rights" and leaving it at that.

 

There you have the horseshoe effect of the tyranny of the majority, whether expressed in pledges of allegiance to god and country or to believe women and yaass queen. Regardless of whether they facetiously claim to support tradition or minority rights, unions or free enterprise, the real enemy of the rabble is always logic, truth and above all intellect. Because, much like honest Tom, they can't fake nobler faculties. And we live by the mind. Mental incompetence poisons everything.

 

You can despise the foppish antiquated claims to noble pursuits, deny any inherent superiority of theater or opera over animation or video games, yet still must acknowledge the nobility of superior plays or games. Are they more original, complex, incisive, challenging, provocative? You can deny any inherent superiority of a particular race but have no place denying the nobler achievements of representatives of that race. Are they more honest or insightful? You can deny whatever authority professors might have once derived by social rank, but not the regal manifestation of expertise in a particular field. To do so is suicide. Such expertise upholds your entire existence, from the most mundane material goods around you to the leashing of hired thugs from killing you for sport.

Your betters will not share your worse interests. It's funny, football wasn't my favorite thing growing up, but I used to like it well enough. Maybe it's because I had a child's tastes, but maybe it's also because matches used to have their results printed in newspapers or be reported play-by-play over the radio. Less pressure to entertain the lizard brain. A match from the '80s or before was a more sedate, well-considered, polite affair. The more widely and constantly they got televised, the more yokels the sport needed to please all at once, the more it shifted toward faster, more violent gameplay approaching the lowest common denominator of a monkey brawl, ignoring more and more risky or injurious plays and outright cheating which would once have gotten players thrown off the field or off a team, in the interest not of the contest itself but of a limbic payoff for the customers. Your excitement bores me.

 

And what is academe, after all, but in the words of another one of those dead white men "a modern school where football is taught" - ?

 

A spectator sport. Buy a ticket and yell some slogans.

 

 

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* Just goes to show wolves can be catty too. Still, is it too much to ask that at least our lesbians age gracefully? Or do all roads lead to Sunset Boulevard?

** Okay, let's say the word we're all thinking at this point: Trump. But I did not want to further derail a long post.

*** Thankfully "dude" was more of a Bart Simpson catchphrase at the time. Thanks for nothing, it didn't stay that way.